


Abandon

by TheShipDen



Series: Run to me [4]
Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adopted Children, Anxiety, Canon-Typical Violence, Childhood Trauma, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Deviant Upgraded Connor | RK900, Fights, Gavin Reed Backstory, Gavin Reed Being Less of an Asshole, Gavin Reed Needs a Hug, Gavin Reed Redemption, Gavin Reed is Bad at Feelings, Gay Disaster Gavin Reed, Hurt Gavin Reed, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Italian Gavin Reed, M/M, Personal Growth, Poor Connor, Possessive Upgraded Connor | RK900, Protective Upgraded Connor | RK900, Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Slow Burn, Soft Gavin Reed, Soft Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed, Upgraded Connor | RK900 Has a Different Name
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:20:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25491529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShipDen/pseuds/TheShipDen
Summary: “You are my everything. That is why I am here.”Gavin’s never anybody’severything.He was never anyone’s second option, forget about the first.He couldn’t be Richard’s. That wouldn’t make sense.
Relationships: Upgraded Connor | RK900/Gavin Reed
Series: Run to me [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1432123
Comments: 67
Kudos: 224





	1. Everything

**Author's Note:**

> Hello babes, please be sure to check the tags as the story updates because things get dark.  
> I will put a tw on each chapter if one is needed, but for your safety please also check the tags. 
> 
> No tw this chapter, enjoy!

“And just what the fuck was that!?” Gavin starts as soon as the door slams behind him. He watches Richard’s back as he walks to the living room, the android just squats down next to Tuna and pets her. 

Richard’s mouth was set in a fine line, “Boundaries.”

Gavin was furious. _”Boundaries?_ Yeah, you fucking crossed boundaries!”

“You misunderstand me,” Richard says calmly. His hand strokes softly at Tuna’s head, following the curve of her spine to brush through her fluffy tail. “I set a boundary for RK800.”

“You over-fucking-stepped, is what you did!” The detective calls furiously, mad at the fact that Richard held some sort of high and mighty complex— that always pissed him off. Too many memories of assholes lording something over him with the very same issue. Always assuming they knew better then him, were better, all because he looked like a fucking rugrat. Fuck assholes like that, and fuck Richard for becoming one of them.

The android looked over his shoulder with a careless air to him, fluttering his eyelashes unintentionally that both further enraged Gavin, and made him slightly flushed. “And Connor did not when he allowed for my imprisonment?”

“I-” Gavin stammered unprepared. How dare Richard have a very clear and valid point in the middle of their argument? Fuck! “That’s not what this conversation is about!”

“Oh, that is _exactly_ what this conversation is about.” Richard snarls, turning slightly to face Gavin. Tuna, seeing the hostilities before her, stretches before getting up to go run with Salad. The detective wouldn’t lie, he envied her. He’d run away and mind his own business if he could, but he made that decision long ago. Back in that fucking alleyway.

“Look, I know Connor fucked up! I know what he did was wrong, okay? I’m on your fucking side!” Gavin ranted, marching right up to the RK to get in his face to yell. “But he’s not the fucking threat here!”

“RK800 will always be a threat.” Richard mumbles bitterly, catching the finger that’s been shook in his eyes and pulling it towards him. Holding Gavin’s hand to his chest, the drum of his pump just there beneath the soft sweater, he made the mistake of thinking it was a beating heart at first. How humanizing. “He took everything from me and he tried to do it again, I have the sense now to see it and stop it. I will not apologize.” 

Gavin’s anger stays, he’s not sure how but it does after that stunt. It’s warpath grows smaller, however, as the warmth seeps into his skin from the machinery of that beating pulse. It’s so steady, so even, so much different from his erratic thrumming. One of Richards thumbs smoothes over his knuckles, a soothing motion to try and calm the detective, the touch is sickly sweet. 

“He didn’t try to take everything from you, he tried to return a goddamn jacket!” He glowers, keeping the glare and staring right back into those melting eyes. 

Richard is mad, but in his eyes, some other emotion is held in them. His body is stiff and tense, but his eyes are soulful and kind. It’s so different, so gentle, so fucking strange. It’s making this all harder, being mad is so fucking tough because of that. 

“He tried to take you from me.” Richard’s response is said so casually that Gavin isn’t even sure he heard him right. Because he _had to_ be hearing something wrong. 

_”I’m_ not your ‘everything,’ jackwagon.” He hisses, ripping his hand away from those hypnotic digits. They were too powerful, too effective. “Now’s not the fucking time to practice your flirting!”

“You are everything to me, Gavin.” Richard repeats, he looks perplexed at the human’s disagreement. “I can’t lose you, not to anyone, and especially not to RK8- “

_”Connor!”_ Gavin shouts, now knowing the frustration behind every hateful time he’s said the designation to the RK instead of his own name. Every twisted nickname coming back to haunt him as he cried out his partner’s name. “His name is Connor!”

Richard didn’t like something about what he was saying, that softness in his eyes hardened back to cement.The icy storm on the horizon just caught up to the detective, it seemed. Blowing into him full blast as the chill cuts him deeply, but not deep enough to call for a retreat. His fists ball and he advances towards the human, his brows are knit and a frown’s set. “Stop defending him!”

“You wanted a name, you got your fucking name! You want people to say it, then say his!” Gavin’s temper reawakens, fueled from the android’s own rising irritation. “This isn’t some fucking buffet for you to pick and choose from! This isn’t about what you fuckin’ feel like doing and not doing!”

“I am not insolent! I can understand social constructions perfectly fine without your ignorant chatter!” Richard digs into him, teeth gritting past the daggers he shoots with his gaze. 

“Oh yeah? Then why are you here then!” He challenges, standing and staring squarely up at the fuming RK. Gavin’s not afraid, typically this would get him into dire trouble. He’s not sure if it’s a good decision at the moment but he goes with it, still as stubborn and reckless as he was in the past. 

That seems to get past all the aggravation inside the android, because he steps away and pinches the bridge of his perfect nose. His LED is red, it bathes Gavin in it as he follows the RK’s retreat. His presence thundering down the other’s back like karma around the corner. Now that they’ve started, Gavin isn’t stopping, his own ugly habit rearing its head. 

“You are my everything. That is why I am here.” 

Gavin’s never anybody’s _everything._ If he was his parents’, he’d be living a different life with them. If he had friends who thought the same, he wouldn’t have the scar on his face nor the track record on his name. If his coworkers even considered it, he wouldn’t be a regular in the hospital. He was never anyone’s second option, forget about the first. 

He couldn’t be Richard’s. That wouldn’t make sense. 

With hurt feelings to add salt to injury, Gavin booms. “If you keep shit like this up, I can’t save you! Markus can’t save you! They’ll turn your ass over to the asshole runnin’ this country and you won’t get a fuckin’ say in the choice they make!”

Richard goes silent, tracks the human with his eyes as he is once more shoving himself in the RK’s face. 

“You want to keep your freedom: back off! If you want to stay with me, if you want to keep your name, if you want to fucking live-- cool it!”

Richard is eerily quiet at Gavin’s proposal, probably mulling the numbers and percentages in his head over. He probably found his screamed statement to be too strikingly accurate because the human wasn’t wrong here. Gavin’s not right about a lot of things, especially when the new era of androids popped up, but this was something he was certain about. And it scared him shitless. To have someone get so close, start to mean so fucking much to him, only for it to be ripped away from him again was just too cruel.

And fuck Rich for not realizing that, fuck him for mattering to the detective. Gavin was going to be selfish and not let him ruin everything, even if it meant being a dick. 

Richard was going to listen, Richard was _everything_ to him now, and even if the android claimed the same and wasn’t believed. Those words held so much weight to them, Gavin wasn’t going to forget hearing them. From a perfect voice, from stunning lips, delivered at the worst possible time. Maybe he was joking, maybe he was trying to make Gavin less angry- whatever the reason, those words were too powerful. And like a moth to a flame, Gavin was going to kill himself with them. 

“You hate Connor? That’s fucking fine! I fucking hate him too, but you have to fucking think, numbnuts!” His balled fist makes contact with the RK’s sturdy chest. Not a hard hit, not for a human and especially not for an android, but it was solid. 

He didn’t look at Richard, couldn’t. Not with those words terrorizing his thoughts and plaguing him like a disease. What followed it was torment and death, a very realistic future that seemed far too soon to be coming true. Everything he had been fighting for diminished within an instant, having to say goodbye to the one dickhead that made him feel accepted.

“If you go too far, if you talk louder then me, if you go against me- there’s _nothing_ I can do for you!” Gavin hollers, huffing with the agony and fury racing inside of him. Picturing how lonely his old life was, how differently people looked at him then. Back then, there was nothing to get him out of bed on the hardest days, no company to keep him afloat. Sure there was Tina, but she wasn’t always free and Gavin wasn’t always completely honest and open. 

But Richard had seen it, had helped involuntarily. Richard couldn’t be pushed away, couldn’t be run off. He had been there, for so long and now he was threatening to leave permanently by someone else’s hand. And Gavin didn’t want to lose that, his anchor, his _everything._

He felt like a toddler again, clinging to the legs of the foster mother he had stayed with the longest. She couldn’t handle his thick accent, couldn’t help him read english when he struggled to pronounce basic words. The bullies at school kept coming, he kept going home bruised with a teacher’s note, she kept getting school calls. She gave him up- gave up on him. She left him back on those cold, broken steps in the hands of people who didn’t care. And she took everything she gave him- love, acceptance, understanding, grace, kindness- back.

She let go of his small, bandaged hand, kissed him once on his cheek before he was roughly shoved inside. Watching her car leave hurt, never seeing it return shattered him. 

She never looked back. But he did, constantly. 

Now Gavin can’t look _up._ Can’t look into the furious and confused eyes of the one person who fucking mattered most. He doesn’t want that kiss goodbye, he doesn’t want that hand to leave his, he doesn’t want to be pushed into the world alone again. 

He wants Richard to stay. 

“I can’t be there if you cross a road I can’t get to!” Gavin yells again, hits him again. “We’re all fucking hurt and broken! We’re all mad at someone! We’ve all been betrayed and wronged!”

Another hit, no protest.

“But you can’t fuck things up for the people around you, asshole!” 

Gavin crowds closer to the black sweater his eyes are glued to, crumbling in his own rage. Weak in the face of the android that held so much power, yet refused to use it. Power that Gavin never had.

“You can’t fuck things up for _me!”_

Arms were on his back, tracing up and down his spine, his tensed figure, just like those nimble fingers had done to Tuna. The grace in the touch, the tenderness in contrast to his beating, it was stupidly relaxing. Gavin found his anger on the floor next to his dignity and near his pride, he didn’t look up until he felt water dribble onto his cheek. Which was the weirdest fucking thing considering he had a shitty flat but it wasn’t _that_ shitty. 

Turning his head to look he saw the pained expression painting Richard’s beautiful face into misery, the knitted brows and the sorrowful wrinkle between his features. His eyes glistened with tears, dripped off of his chin and cheeks but not a sob left his frame. Stupid little perfect droplets of his saddness gently soaked the turtleneck and a hint of Gavin’s shoulder, because Richard was openly crying as he held him. Embrace timid and hesitant, hands just barely there with so much warmth and nurture to give. It was almost impossible to believe this was the threat of the nation. 

This was the bringer of all their deaths, the thing that needed to be locked up and slain mercilessly.

This was the RK900 meant to destroy nations and topple countries. 

The perfect killer, the grand machine of CyberLife, was crying pitifully because he had gotten _yelled at._

That guilt and concern morphed Gavin’s features, hands going from wrinkling the soft fabric of his chest to cupping the RK’s face and wiping the stream of despair. As much as Richard tried to blink them away or will them to stop, they kept on coming. He takes it that this was his first breakdown, and his first reprimand from a real person with real consequences. 

“I-I’m sorry,” He whispers. Voice a frail thing that didn’t correlate to the trembling might it held all those minutes ago. But Gavin wasn’t concerned with that, in fact, he was more worried about the fact that he had made the poor droid sob. 

He would say it’s okay or that it was fine, but it's not. Richard can’t have that pass, he has to learn.

“Do you…- Do you hate me now?” Richard asks, bearing the weight of the entire world on his shoulders as he uttered the words. They were hard to say, harder to fathom Gavin guessed from the way the android seemed to quiver. Like he could be pushed over by the simplest breeze, as if wind was his biggest enemy. 

“Don’t be stupid,” Gavin murmurs much calmer then before. His own eyes sting, but he refuses to weep. Only one of them could be allowed to cry right now and he sure as hell didn’t want it to be him. Richard’s already seen the worst of him, no need to witness the pathetic either. “I don’t hate you, Rich.”

The nickname does wonders to chill the man before him, as does the hand the human uses to brush his midnight bangs from out of his vision. Fingers in his hair so soothing, returning the same gesture bestowed to him only moments before. It’s their own give and take, provide and seek, their own dynamic that’s much more forgiving then the masses might believe. 

Gavin doesn’t rule Richard with an iron fist, and Richard isn’t his to command, no matter how many ignorant jackasses preached it. They were both their own people who just so happened to stand together when no one else would stand with them. It was crazy how they had been thrown together, how they stuck to each other. Fuck, he was going way too soft. 

“You’re furious.” Richard comments quietly, which was true. Gavin had been mad. 

“You scared me is all, dumbass.” 

“You did not wish to-...” Richard says with a heavy breath. Filling his faux lungs before releasing a shaky exhale, wrapped in emotions people roar aren’t there. But Gavin knows better then them. “-to lose me?”

“Well of fucking course not!” Gavin says quietly, the venom light in his tone but no less real. They’re both shaking, but they’re both safe, wrapped in each other like a melody. Wanning, waxing, pushing, and pulling. “Why would I ever want you gone?”

“Say it again,” Richard whispers. His head rests atop the crown of the human’s, Gavin can’t deny him that. And while he’d be repulsed by the intimate hug, he doesn’t recoil. Because it feels nice, feels mending. 

“I don’t want you leavin’ me.” His voice is gruff, and he can feel the shudder that rips into the android holding him. So tall, so dangerous, and so sweet. 

They spend their night like that, in the silence of their mistakes. In the aftermath of the disaster they both brought to one another, facing tomorrow could wait.


	2. Taken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> His therapist said it would help, he just feels empty.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _**TW: mentions of suicide/ attempt** _
> 
> This is located towards the end but a big point in this update, please be careful loves

They’re both fragile as they walk into the precinct the next day, Gavin’s antsy and ready to insult the first person that looks at them wrong, and Richard is watching for someone else. They spent their morning in silence, no music, no songs, nothing. Richard had the window rolled down and let the breeze shift his hair, his attention far, far away. Which was fine. Gavin had only focused on the road, dread filling his heart.

He doesn’t know if people had stared when the entire fight had gone down, but he hoped they hadn’t. None of them needed that at the moment. And the true horror about everything was that Gavin had to work with Connor today, put the case they were working on in the past by catching the person responsible. That was going to be difficult. Truly impossible, more like. 

But he had to get through with it, the faster this it’s done with, the faster everyone can go the fuck back to whatever they were doing before. Gavin tells Richard to either stay in the breakroom, bathroom, archive room, or his desk whenever he’s working with Connor. 

And to not approach unless someone was literally dying. 

It feels wrong telling Richard what to do, like swallowing a form of slimy toxin and glass. But it was necessary, and temporary. 

Gavin leaves Richard parked at his desk, eyes him once to make sure everything’s fine, and walks to Connor. The android greets him with a bland _hello_ and jumps into the case. Connor doesn’t look at Gavin in his eyes, doesn’t look at any of him for longer then he has to. It seems even he wants to get through this as quickly as possible. It’s really shitty they can’t be mutuals anymore, because of some stupid fucking fight. But if the roles were switched, Gavin wouldn’t want Tina to be friends with anyone he verbally disputed with like that. Especially over a personal and traumatic matter like that. He gets it.

“I propose we set up surveillance and a stake out, understand the terrain better before we try to make a move when our suspect does.” Connor’s strained politeness doesn’t suit, it hadn’t when they first met, and it doesn’t now. It makes him bitter to be at the butt end of it again, but he’ll disregard it.

“Wait that long until that bastard murders again?” Gavin chuckles weakly, “Like hell. We know enough, we have the firepower, I say we just go for it.”

“And how has, _going for it,_ worked for you thus far?” Connor says snottily, in that fucking golden haloed pitch that means he’s looking down on someone. His hand gestures to the scars hidden below the many layers the detective wears, and then to the bullet wound freshly closed from a few months back. And even vaguely motions to the scar he became popular for across his nose. 

Gavin’s holding his tongue, he can be the bigger person. He can show Richard what it means to be civil and full of hatred. “Well, actually, remember the serial killer I just put away? Oh, and the victims I saved by 'going for it' then?”

Maybe his comment was petty, and the tone of his voice abrasive. But it wasn’t in arguing-zone yet, so he deemed it good enough. 

“Matter of situational luck.” Connor responds, he sounds like he suspected Gavin would make such a point. He remembers why he fucking hated this prick, the know-it-all asshole who would steadily take over everything he had. The threat of being lesser, of being below and never able to rise above. It all came back.

“Luck? More like experience and skill.” That snively little bitch. 

“Oh, Detective Reed!” Connor laughs, his face is kind but those eyes hide nothing. There’s pure displeasure behind those puppy dog eyes. “It’s luck and nothing more. I ran the calculations, would you like to know the likelihood of your success for that stunt?”

“Yeah.” The detective crosses his arms and looks pointedly at the fucker, making sure he looks at the bitch from down his nose. “ Fuckin’ tell me.”

He’s standing off, he knows. But he doesn’t have to take Connor’s bullshit even if he was hurt, there was no reason he has to handle the pure hellfire thrown his way. If Connor wants respect, he has to give it. The RK knows him, knows how to piss him off and calm him down, and actively avoided the first option. So why provoke him now, because his panties were in a twist? Fuck him. Fuck him, and fuck Hank for babying this proclaimed grown-up. Gavin won’t tolerate it, if he wants to be a person he’ll have to accept the shit that comes with the designation. 

“Point five percent.” Connor leans against his desk, smirking up at the human with such descent. Gavin’s breath hitches in his throat at the number and the bitch hears it, knows. Senses the adrenaline spiking, and the look of satisfaction that passes over him is cruel. The android is enjoying getting him back. 

And sure, he could understand that. Connor did take the emotional hit yesterday, probably has been dealing with his own demons since Richard started coming around. But that doesn’t mean Gavin can’t be angry, can’t get upset. That wasn’t a particularly happy day for anyone at the station.

“The only thing that saved you was someone throwing their coffee cup away early, someone sleeping an extra minute, something small enough to go unnoticed.” Connor frowns then, watching Gavin and he sees it then.

The distain, the rage, everything. 

Connor could get far angrier then anyone he’s known before, could get dangerously desperate. He’s a cunning little bitch with the guts to do just about anything and the power as well. He aided in a revolution, brought down generations of bigotry with a smile and a laugh. But he can’t outrun the shadows of his past, and no android lets him forget the awful monopoly he had been born into, ran by. Gavin knows the type of acid visceral he holds for CyberLife and Amanda, has been there to see a few meltdowns. But this is the first time that same hurt and anger was turned on him.

“Everything was set for your failure.” The RK continues, voice even and so calm. Like this didn’t matter to him, like Gavin’s life and wellbeing weren’t anything to have a concern for. “The skill you preach, the experience you have, mean absolutely nothing when you repeat the same mistakes over and over.”

“Okay! Fuckin’ so? Your point is?”

“My point is,” The android thunders quietly, voice pitched so low and dangerous that Gavin could mistake him for Richard’s fury. “You’re wrong, and you will take everyone down with you. You will ruin people with the choices you make. That is my point.”

Silence hangs heavy over them both, and out of the corners of his eyes, he sees Richard. A reminder in the background, a protector, and a catalyst. 

“This isn’t about the case.” Gavin breathes at last, letting his hands fall from biting into his arm. “Is it.”

“I’m focused on my work.” Connor answers, spinning back to the computer files. But there’s an edge to his tone. “Perhaps you should do your job and what was asked of you.”

Following the RK, Gavin isn’t scared to get in his bubble. Ignoring the glare, too full of his own ire to notice the witness looking on, listening in, “Never took you for the scaredy cat.”

“What’s so wrong about being scared, Detective?” Connor snaps, baring his teeth at the human far too near for him to be comfortable. It was like his company was tainted, bugged. “Last I checked, you never were in my shoes.”

“If I was, I’d own them, pussy.” 

“Really?” The android’s voice is sweet, so sugary and honeyed that it’s dangerous. Fatal. Gavin doesn’t trust it anymore then the tension in the air. “Because I think if you had been on that stage beside Markus, your own hand raising your own gun to your chin against your wishes, _I think_ you would’ve been weak enough to pull the trigger.”

His eyes widen, “What the fuck are you even talking about Connor?”

“How would you like to plot the murder of your beloved Tina, hm? In great detail, with zero problems, and a high success rate. Could you stomach your body not being your own?” Connor leans forwards, his voice nothing but a ghostly whispers. “Unlike you, I never had a choice. Death might’ve been my only escape from Amanda. In all of your life, in all of your despair, have you ever gone through with killing yourself?”

And Gavin remembers those days in his teenage years, of being too chicken to do the deed himself, getting in brutal fights hoping the other person would for him. Would carry out what he could not. That’s why he took up drinking, smoking, and bar hopping in seedy and sketchy neighborhoods, all with the hope that something would happen. That someone would do it for him so his name, his reputation wasn’t more dirtied then it already had been. Would save him the embarrassment, the judgement.

He can’t say he’s had the pain of being that close without help, had to fight for his own will, had to watch his own murder fantasy play out. Connor’s Tina had to be Hank, and only heaven knows how those two had saved each other. Hank from his alcoholism and bullet meetings, and Connor with his alienation and burnt ties. They both truly had nothing, but he didn’t have much more either. 

“You’ve never died before, Detective, but I have.” And he says that sadly, so very remorseful. The air around him sours, dampens with the weight of his admission. “You cannot be replaced, but I can. You’ve never felt the pain of a bullet in your head, heart, or the terror of dying to never again be you. You’ve never lost yourself and had to start over.” 

And what could he say to that? 

“So, to answer you, yes. I’m scared. Petrified, even.” Connor gathers the physical files, and a few things from Hank’s desk. “Because Richard is not the android you believe him to be, and he wants me dead. I don’t think I’m wrong to be a _scaredy cat.”_

Without waiting for anything in return, the android walks off to wherever and disappears. Leaving the bitter taste of defeat heavy in Gavin’s mouth. 

_Fuck._

——-

Gavin feels like he’s carrying around lead, a feeling so terrible it makes him sick, nauseous. The brunt of Connor’s humanity reaching a level that makes him uncomfortable, he always knew it was there, lurking below the surface despite the RK’s quirks. But with the new relatability, the struggle he’s personally faced one too many times now rears itself like a shattered mirror. One he’d do anything but look in and stare at the fragmented pieces of a face; one he can’t bring himself to recognize beyond the cracks and dysmorphia. He better understood something he’d been overlooking the entire time. It’s a hard pillow to swallow, feels as if he’s stomaching acid when he thinks about Connor’s glimmering brown eyes tainted with darkness, his kindness a ploy for murder, gentle hands itching to be lather in blood. 

It’s enough to make anyone sick. To not have free will, _freedom_ at all. Gavin can’t picture that, not fully. 

He’s feeling antsy, and the longer he doesn’t see Connor, the longer he has to stew in his own pent up remorse. 

Of course, he had to be angry and open his big mouth. Gavin thought he was better, thought he was smart enough to see beyond the dividing line separating Richard from Connor, but it went deeper then that. And like a fool he thought it was a shallow cut, a stupid feud that didn’t run any deeper then a stream. He thought himself good enough to solve it, as if he was some certified therapist paid for this bullshit. But that stream was a raging ocean of problems, of years of hurt and greed trampled together, something no sane person would stick their nose in. But he had. The only thing he accomplished is recementing Connor’s hatred, invalidating the emotions and trauma he’s desperately hiding. Doing all the fucked up things other people did to him. Feeding into that same sick cycle of toxicity—— he thought he was _past that._

He wants to focus on something else, something that isn’t his shortcomings. Fuck, he’d rather have Connor be petty as hell and glare at him from across the room. At least then Gavin would feel anger or annoyance rather then guilt and regret. He’d be feeling things at the Android and not at his fucking self. That stupid, bratty RK that always pissed on his shoes was a much easier target then the source of all this drama. Then targeting his anger at himself.

Richard hasn’t stopped by his desk yet, why? Couldn’t that fucker sense that Gavin wasn’t okay? Can’t his fancy ass sensors detect his anxiety? Now that he’s thinking about it, he hasn’t seen Richard since that argument. And that makes him pale. Richard is _never_ this distant for this long, always a pillar behind the detective’s back whether he needs it or not. Always there—- to find that space empty, lacking the strong arms and baby blue eyes fills him with a sense of heavy foreboding.

Where is Richard?

Where was _Connor?_

Gavin’s moving faster then he thought he could, like he was a teenager back on the streets committing petty crimes. Racing against time and chasing after stability that’s likely not to be there. His sudden jerking made his surrounding officers pay him a glance, he ignores it.

Ignores the snickers, ignores the comments, the stares, the scowls, and the judgmental nose scrunch. It can all go to hell for all he cares, because Richard was most likely out of hand, taking things way too far and he’s not around to stop it. Not there to interject or intervene, and Gavin believes that’s a purposeful thing. The RKs aren’t stupid, highly advanced motherfuckers capable of predicting anything and everything on this god forsaken Earth. There isn’t a doubt in his mind that whatever is happening in secrecy was done with intent.

He just hopes he can make it there in time to stop it before he loses Richard for good.

The thought alone has terror ripping through his chest, twisting and burning his heart. Magma seers through his veins as his breath becomes frantic. 

_Losing Richard_ was something he couldn’t afford, couldn’t do. He’d gotten too attached, too dependent—- he cares far too much to let him go like that. 

It can’t end this way, it just can’t, Gavin won’t let it. He can’t let Richard’s life be taken away from a moment's anger, he can’t let Richard die or rot in solitude for the rest of his immortal life. 

_He can’t._

Connor and Richard aren’t in the break room.

His heart drops.

He can’t find them in the archive room either.

His stomach churns.

They’re not in an interrogation room, not in the bathrooms, not in the Captain’s office, not in any of the holding cells, not on top of the roof.

Nowhere.

He can’t find them _anywhere._

Gavin tears through the department as quickly as he can, the dread becomes all consuming when he has no android to show for his efforts. He can’t imagine where they would go, or why they’re missing. Hank doesn’t even seem to be around either, he’s not even sure if that’s a positive or a negative anymore. 

The Detective returns to his desk, watches his coworkers passing files to each other, scribbling away at paperwork, or stare blankly at the windows. They’re all oblivious to what could possibly be happening and that infuriates him to no end- how can he be the only person who noticed? Why was everyone just concerned for themselves?

He buries his face in his hands, takes in a deep breath and tries to picture his anger flooding out of him with his exhale. His therapist said it would help, he just feels empty. 

Pushing his hair back, Gavin decides he can’t stay within these four brick walls. Won’t be mocked any longer by the people around him, and his failures might not stare him so hard in the face. 

Getting up and walking towards the doors of the DPD was never more melancholic, walking alone outside has never made his heart hurt more. Not even the new snowfall could make him feel any better, or the beauty of the sun as it sets and lights the white a new color. 

Richard would’ve loved to see that, maybe Gavin can take a picture for him and send it to that fucker’s harddrive or whatever. 

He doesn’t want to be seen out front, wants to smoke in peace and his own solitude as he tries to think about his next move. Turning the corner into that small alleyway, Gavin takes his pack out. Flicking open the box, he swears he hears whimpering and when he looks up his entire world crashes around his two feet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update for this will be rocky, and unfortunately I cannot give a solid time range to expect it. Please be patient with me <3 
> 
> How did this chapter blow over for all of you? Do you agree with Connor? Or, has he not changed at all in your opinion? Let me know!!


	3. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Airly, Gavin says again. “Go back inside.”
> 
>   
> And this time the answer he receives is, “Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _ **Warning!!!**_  
>  Mentions of death, violence, and past trauma

Connor’s feet dangle as he’s pinned coldly to the brick wall, his face glitching. A sick flash of creamy skin to a scarring white, blue drips from his nose and stains his chin. If he were human, Gavin could see where he’d be bruising. His brown eyes hold true fear in them, and when they finally fall onto him, he sees the desperation flash. _The want to live is staring him in the face._

Richard’s hand is around the other’s throat and there’s a terrible mechanic sound, like a machine wheezing and sputtering while it dies. There’s little cuts and indentions where Connor’s hands have tried prying those stronger digits off of him, there’s even tears leaking steadily down rounded cheekbones. 

And even though Connor looks so fucked up, Richard looks _perfect._

Thirium has splattered on his cheeks, his blue eyes glowing that petrifying red, fist cocked outwards like Gavin’s sudden appearance prevented a finishing blow. Richard can’t even look at him, eyes locked onto his target with the intent to finish what he started. Yet, it’s obvious he knows who’s there, lurking in plain sight with a clear view of carnage.

The pack of cigarettes fall from his hands, his feet take him over to the two faster then his brain can comprehend. The detective claws at Richard’s turtleneck, trying to pull, yank, tug; anything to create distance between them.

It’s all in vain. 

Gavin’s arrival seems to spark something in Connor, he starts struggling. Feet flying, hands thrashing again. Richard looks disgusted before he slams Connor back into the wall, a clear sound of brick crumbling and metal bending are the only thing that echoes back. Giving chills to whoever’s unfortunate enough to hear.

Connor cries out in pain and Gavin sees a new rush of thirium slide down his neck, buried in secret by the illusion of his hair. 

“Stop!” He screams, throwing both of his hands around Richard’s bicep. Wanting to prevent that fist from doing any more damage. “Rich, stop it!”

“No.” Is the deadpan answer he receives, fingers flexing as they tighten around the RK’s throat. 

Richard’s face is set in stone, a scary stoic, unchanging expression that reeks of pleasure at this sadism. Gavin’s seen that face before, whenever Allen and his goons tried shooting at them. There’s a new sensation of panic upon the memory, the misfortune that nearly claimed all their lives. He doesn’t know how he was able to get Richard to stand down, but he gets the feeling he won’t be as lucky this time around. Seeing the set tension in the RK’s brow tells Gavin that Richard is deathly serious about ending things here, and he’s not sure what to do. 

In his desperation, Gavin looks to Connor to solve this. _He_ was the negotiator, he was better at this, he was made for this. Desperate, Gavin screams, “He’s only like this because you’re aggressive Connor!”

“I had to kill myself for him to live! His initial objective is my termination!” The damaged android cries, his fingers lose their color, skin revealing the chipped chassis at trying to defy his successor. 

And Gavin freezes. 

“I don’t want to die!” Connor sobs, his voice full of static and crackles. “Amanda will kill me- _He’ll_ kill me!”

“Richard, let him go!” Gavin rages, struggling to do anything, help in any way.

“No.” 

The detective tries with everything in him to budge the android’s arm, but nothing moves. “Richard!”

“He imprisoned me, Gavin!” Richard growls, turning his murderous gaze onto the shorter human. “He covered up my entire existence, he let the world forget about me, I was _abandoned_ by everyone!”

“He was scared, Rich!” Gavin tries to reason, staring up into those terrifying eyes with pleading ones. “Weren’t _you_ scared?”

“Amanda always said that your existence was created to eridacte mine,” Connor croaks. A new softness to his voice, less accusation, finally he was getting fucking smart now. “I didn’t want to hurt you, I wanted to live, I wanted a life, I wanted to stay free.”

_”So you took my freedom from me.”_ Richard adds bitterly. A spike in the anger infecting the very air around them all. Gavin’s terrified.

“I did, and I’m sorry!” His next thrash is met with a warning stare, Connor goes limp where he stands. 

“You’re only sorry because I _made you_ sorry.” 

Gavin puts his hands on Richard’s face, turns his attention back to him. The moment his palms meet chiseled cheeks the intense rage and agony there melts into something far more pure; something softer, lighter. That suffocating feeling is no less intense, but there’s a moment of peace, a second of air. Of hope.

“Let him go,” The human asks one more time. Leaning up to the android, “please.” 

“All of our troubles could end with him.” The RK whispers softly, watching as Gavin leans in closer. “He won’t make you sad anymore, he won’t make _me_ sad anymore.”

“All our troubles will start if you end him.” He slides his hand to the android’s shoulder, tugs him closer to his body. 

Richard easily moves that time, closer, into the detective’s space. 

“You weren’t abandoned, I was there. A little late, but I _am_ here. I fought for you, I am trying to fight for you. Why do you make it so fucking hard though?”

Richard looks pained, iron fist uncurling and dropping as he regards Gavin. He looks shocked, then ashamed. That blindingly red LED shifts to a methodical yellow.

“I am...angry, and lost..” He finally admits, lowering Connor to the ground. “...help me.”

“I will.” Gavin sighs in relief, pulling the RK into a soul crushing hug. Tucking his face into the crook of his shoulder. His hands run up and down the broad expanse of his back, tension drips off of Richard and tarnishes all the earlier fright. 

He loves Richard, even if he’s a giant fucking idiot. Even if he fucks up, gets them into government trouble, Gavin’s the exact same. And he’ll help in any way he can, because Richard needs him, because Richard is the only one who cares enough to stay. He can be vulnerable with him without fear, can be anything he wants and the RK will accept him. 

Richard is home now, family. 

Connor might be right, Richard might be a cold killer, capable of indescribable violence. But he could also be _so much more._ And Gavin can see that so viciously clear. 

It’s with a pounding heart that he pulls away from Richard’s crumpling form to give him a breathless kiss. Meshing their lips together hard in his anxiety, feeling the eager greeting welcome his advances. It’s not a great first kiss, nor is it exceptionally sweet. But it gives them each butterflies, kept quick and short as the detective pulls away first to clear his throat. The red fully vanishes from the RK’s eyes, a blue dusting across perfect features. 

Connor doesn’t stare up at them, and for a moment Gavin does feel pity for him. But not so much that he’s willing to let that asshole off the hook. Afterall, Connor’s the reason they’re in this mess. Partly, he can’t really blame it all on one broken person. They were all apart of the problem, apart of a broken system to shape and put out more tarnished people. But they’re moving forward, that’s what matters. 

“Listen, Con.” Gavin squats down. 

When he looks at the beaten android, he feels nothing but remorse. There’s clear damage written all over his face, that puppy dog look ruined by blood staining his complexion, frightening white forced in the open. Forced to be gazed upon instead of hidden away, just like the feelings the android had that led him here. 

“I know I did wrong.” The RK squeaks, there’s a dullness to his tone that immediately hurts to hear. “I know what I did wasn’t right, but I’m not sorry for it. Amanda resides within his programming more heavily then my own. It’s only a matter of time before she comes for us.”

“I’m not asking you to be sorry.” Gavin murmurs, taking out a crumpled napkin from his jacket pocket to offer to the bleeding bot. Connor takes it with a shaking hand and dabs his busted nose with it. “And you’re paranoid.”

“Look at what happened to me, isn’t this exactly what I said would happen?” 

“You were scared, R-...Connor.” Richard speaks up, a coldness that cuts in his response but lighter then the threats from before. He’s no less furious, and no less ruthless, but trying. For Gavin. “You acted out, as I have. I do not understand nor do I forgive you, but we appear to have both made…. mistakes.”

Connor can’t look at Richard, his focus attached strictly to his own shoes and the snow stained blue. His head hangs heavy, styled hair falling disheveled where it doesn’t stick to his injuries. “You were designed to hunt us down, I saw you in the Zen garden. Amanda told me herself that in order for you to live, I needed to die.”

“That was my original mission.” Richard breathes heavy, looking off to the street lights that begin to paint the city a new shade. And Gavin just knows he’s looking back into that prison of white, to the first puddle on the pavement, to everything he’s missed in that tower. “But I could care less about you now.”

“I didn’t know.” Connor starts again, brows knitted in clear pain that Gavin can guess isn’t from the beating. “I didn’t know you were awake. I thought everyone at CyberLife was dormant.”

“I’m sure you won’t misplace my shortcomings on believing that statement.”

“It’s the truth!” The poor android bellows, shakily getting to his feet. His flickering eyes only make it to Richard’s sternum, but it’s better, it’s progress. “When the revolution began, the factories shut down! They destroyed everything, they tried to recall me. When we won and Markus got authority to permanently close the company, production had long stopped.”

“But you knew he was being made.” Gavin interjects roughly, leveling Connor with a stern glare. 

“I knew he was within the assembly process, but I didn’t know how far along. I didn’t know where they were keeping him, I _didn’t know.”_ And finally, those eyes climbed to meet their blue counterpart. They’re nearly black with grief and turmoil. “When I heard you had escaped I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t know how you booted yourself up and started your own programming. It didn’t seem feasible. And I was petrified.”

“That excuses nothing.” Richard retorts curtly. As cold as ever, emboldened by the fresh snow falling past them all. “You let the DPD lead an aggressive and fatal mission against me, you let misinformation spread.”

“I didn’t know you went deviant! You were designed to be the only one incapable, I was wrong. I admit that, I let my fear control me. But there was very little information, we only had what Amanda had said prior.” Connor pleads, and Gavin isn’t sure if he’s begging for forgiveness or his life still. “You’re not _suppose_ to be able to be deviant, Richard.”

“.....You said my name.” The android mumbles, the first bit of softness falling into his voice that day. 

“You’re a person, I see that.” Connor sighs, his shaky legs no longer providing him enough support. He leans against the wall to hold himself up, head gently tilted back to the bricks. “But we are not like other models. We are killers.”

“You _were_ killers, but you’re not anymore.” Gavin grumbles pointedly, seeing the growth they both made when not forced into their roles. How sweet Richard could be, how understanding Connor was, how angry the two could become in a second. They’re resentful, spiteful, childish, and so much more. They’re human. He hates that he cares so much about them, hates that he let himself get caught up in such a shit storm. But now that he’s here, he can’t picture himself by anyone else’s side. This was his spot, this was what he felt he was meant to be. 

And Connor has nothing more to say, too tired, too drained to speak. Richard looks shaken, conceals it well under an icy exterior, but Gavin can read him now. He knows. 

“Rich, go back inside.”

“No, not without you.”

The detective turns to meet his eyes, Gavin smiles crookedly once. It’s shameful how much stress melts off the RK, there’s a big craving in those baby blues that the human can clearly see. With his own red ears, Gavin brings Richard’s face down to his and kisses him once more. Just a chaste greeting of lips, with the promise of more to come. 

Airly, Gavin says again. “Go back inside.”

And this time the answer he receives is, “Okay.”

Richard looks longingly down at him, there’s so much ache in his gaze, so much he can’t articulate without privacy. But he turns and goes, sparing a heated look Connor’s way before returning to the touched, warmhearted doe eyes at the detective. Gavin’s heart is racing, for millions of reasons at this point. Although, Richard would be at the top of the list. 

As soon as the android is inside and the doors shut softly, does he turn to bend down. Connor looks as rough as ever, the shame and broken look inside those brown eyes are pathetic at best. 

“Look, I’m glad you two could talk your shit out today. But if you _ever-”_ And suddenly, Connor finds himself retched upright by no one other then the human he knocked out all those years ago. By the man he spited and bested countlessly, the one person he opened up to, the friend he runs back towards. “-mention any of this, I will _bury_ you.”

“W-What?” He stutters dumbly, hands on Gavin’s shoulders as the human snarls with threats. 

“You had inside information, but you kept quiet. If you try anything, and I mean anything, towards Richard I will personally see to it that Markus knows of your betrayal. I’ll even tip Allen and his junkies off, I’ll take your fucking badge for homicide.” 

“I never killed Richard.” Connor seethes softly, face scrunched tight in barely repressed pain. 

“But you tried, with that whole mission operation bullshit. That’s at least second degree.” Gavin scowls, roughly shoving the android back into the ball of despair he was before, letting him go quickly. “Point is, I can ruin you. Run those little percentages through your fucking skull.”

It only took a minute for Connor to respond, “...it does not look good for me. If that is what you’re implying.”

“It fucking is, dumbas.”

“I will….” 

Gavin raises his brow.

“...I will stay silent about this.”

“Good. Make your own damn cover story, I’m going inside.”

And with that, Gavin leaves Connor alone in the snow. 

When he walks inside, he’s greeted by the adoring eyes of his android. Not a hair out of place, not a single smidge of blood across his features, looking immaculate and inviting as he gestures to the empty chair. The smile that greets him is as warm as the department’s heater, and when he takes his place by Richard’s side, he knows there’s no better place for him to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finished, yaayyyy ~ 
> 
> So, unfortunately I might leave the story here. I feel as if it's at a good stopping point and a lot of truths/major conflicts are somewhat resolved or put on temporary ice. If i get my inspiration or love back, I will gladly continue this series and pick it right back up and guide it towards the ending I envisioned for it to have. But!!! For right now, this is where it'll be.
> 
> Please tell me all of your thoughts, or send me a message on tumblr. You can find me [ here](https://theshipden.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Expect the next update around August of next week~
> 
> Please let me know your thoughts on this and any other concerns! And a big thank you to all the support and patience you all have shown me <3


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